


Pick Me or We're Both Screwed

by CardboarianNights



Series: Kobe Beef AU [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Dom!Hanzo - Freeform, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hilarity Ensues, M/M, Minotaur!Jesse, Not Furry, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Sub!McCree - Freeform, Yakuza!Hanzo, animal/human hybrids, bathhouse prostitution, just huge horns and hooves instead of feet, like a minotaur basically, lots of fluff and feels, pretending to be an escort, the prequel people wanted, when your huge horns cause a lot of problems in Japan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-15 10:19:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12319059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CardboarianNights/pseuds/CardboarianNights
Summary: Hanzo Shimada, leader of the Shimada Clan, has secretly reached out to Overwatch in order to get help dismantling his deeply rooted criminal empire in exchange with helping Overwatch take down other similar yakuza groups across Japan when the deed is done.Overwatch sends one of the best agents to help assist him in taking apart the Shimada Clan without other yakuza groups finding out. Hanzo finds himself in a situation where riding the bull to be critical to keeping his own head on his shoulders, not that Jesse is complaining much.Prequel to 'Beef With Kobe'





	1. Mistaken Identity

The public bathhouse in Hanamura closed at 8pm sharp to prevent less-than-ideal people from making use of the late hours to do some sketchy business in there other than bathing. Several bad apples forced the once proud twenty-four hour traditional bathhouse to change its times decades ago. 

Prostitution, drunks drowning themselves in the baths, homeless taking shelter in the low volume hours to sleep - all valid reasons to restrict the hours, but that certainly didn’t stop certain people with money for using the baths after hours at their own leisure if they paid the right hush money. 

Hanzo Shimada, the thirty year-old Shimada clan leader, has been using the baths late at night, not for bathing alone but for picking up someone to spend the night with.

Various legal-running brothels send a ‘representative’ or two every night to the bath house, also paying hush money to allow their reps inside, and wait to see if the yakuza boss will come in to seek their reps for companionship. In other words, it would be ridiculously easy for Overwatch to get their agent into the bath house as well to make it the perfect ‘meeting’ site between Hanzo and the agent before they would move to somewhere else after Hanzo was satisfied that he was not an assassin.

Or, it WOULD be if Hanzo knew who to look for when there were so many beautiful men and male human hybrids in the showering section and the baths themselves tonight.

The Overwatch agent apparently found it amusing to play games when Hanzo was assured by Strike Commander, Jack Morrison, himself, that the agent they send would be a great asset in helping him come up with a plan to take several yakuza clans down, along with the Shimada clan, to weaken the hold of the crime lords in the region.

How does the agent choose to make his first impression on Hanzo when he asked, through text correspondence, for a description of his appearance to rig who he would ‘spend the night’ with? 

By replying with a vague ‘you’ll know me when you see me’ and an unprofessional winking emoji - Immaturely refusing to let on anymore than that. 

Overwatch was an international organization, right? How the hell was he supposed to know if they were Japanese nationals or not other than their lack of Japanese?! What nationality were they?! Were they al hybrid or regular human?!

It infuriated Hanzo that he had to go to the bath house and choose the agent absolutely blind.

He disrobed himself in the changing room when the time came, regardless of the agent’s ability to cooperate with him, locking up his valuables in one of the lockers before heading back into the bathing area. Hanzo wore a mask of cool indifference on his face as he knew that all eyes were on him the moment he walked in. There were ten human males and two male human-hybrids from what he could tell at a glance as he carried his toiletries to one of the unoccupied shower heads, sitting down on a plastic stool after setting his towel aside and his shampoo down on the ground. It didn't take long for one of the more ballsy reps to step up and offer his services to wash his hair and back. 

He glanced at the newcomer who approached him, a gazelle hybrid with a human head and curved horns reminiscent of the African beast. They were petite in body-size, just like Hanzo enjoyed, but also spoke impeccably good Japanese right down to having no noticeable accent.

Gazelle hybrids were extremely rare in Japan, so could this man be the Overwatch agent? They seemed confident enough that it was possible that Overwatch would send a unique hybrid agent to Japan, and said-agent was cocky enough that their looks would make them stand out.

“Yes, I would like for you to wash my hair and back.” Hanzo consented in Japanese, not wanting to break the agent’s cover by speaking English like they did in their earlier text correspondence.

“I will do my best to please you, Shimada-san.” The gazelle humbly spoke before getting to work on placing the circular hair strainer on Hanzo’s head so his face would not get covered with shampoo as the gazelle started washing his hair.

It was the first of many lovely interactions between them as they talked about Japan, the things they both liked, Japanese historical periods and the like when they both finished washing up. He then went into the bath together with the gazelle while the other reps left after catching on that Hanzo was unlikely to switch partners. Hanzo found it very relaxing to be in the companionship of such an intelligent and attractive hybrid that would hopefully continue as they worked towards bringing down the criminal empire in the region together. 

The mellow, classical Japanese music playing in the background and the now-empty bath hall spurned Hanzo to lean forward towards the gazelle hybrid beside him. His heart pounding in his chest as the gazelle leaned in to meet him halfway into a wonderful kiss. Their lips pressed together in a manner that blossomed warmth deep in his chest from how nice it was, pretty much sealing the deal on Hanzo bringing the agent home before a loud bang and a crash outside of the bath hall startled them both apart. 

Another loud bang followed by a loud ‘Shit! Fuckin’ tiny ass doors!!’, in heavily accented English, before Hanzo heard a scrambling of heavy hooves from the changing area floor to the bath hall. 

Hanzo’s heart sunk into his chest in disbelief as a huge minotaur with a human head and face entered their domain. His horns, sprouting out from the sides of his head, had to be the length of the bull’s arms, if he flexed them. He had a head of shoulder-length brown hair, a scruffy beard beard on his face, and was wearing an impossibly tight shirt over his overly muscular body, a pair of jeans, and all of it topped off with an obnoxious cowboy hat on his head. An outfit and attitude that screamed ‘American stereotype’ in Hanzo’s mind. 

The American seemed to be oddly relieved when he spotted Hanzo in the back by the baths but hesitated to take a step forward before looking down, probably remembering Japanese etiquette or something. Hanzo rolled his eyes at the brash, American stereotype being on displayed before placing a hand on the gazelle’s shoulder and reassuring them with a smile. 

He would handle this interloper.

“The baths are closed.” Hanzo spoke in English, trying to get the foreigner to leave if he spelled out the obvious. The foreigner paused with a perplexed look on his face as he glanced about the bath house. Hanzo bit down on the inside of his cheek at the oblivious bull hybrid as his brown eyes seemed to be looking for or expected something in the otherwise empty bath hall. 

“Wasn't there suppose to be-”

“The baths. Are. Closed.” Hanzo repeated slowly, scowling at the overly bulky hybrid as he apparently didn't get that he was intruding in something private and Hanzo was quickly getting fed up with his antics. He has business with the Overwatch agent sitting quietly beside him and the bull hybrid was certainly preventing him from doing so. “Leave.” He demanded firmly.

The foreigner looked at him in genuine shock at that, his muscles bulging in an almost intriguing fashion as he tensed up. “Wait! I think there’s been a mis-!”

“No, there is not!”

“I was just late! An officer stopped me on the street and wanted to see my visa! He wasn't lettin’ me go!” The American pleaded with Hanzo as he held up his hands defensively at the yakuza lord's growing irritation with his antics. If not for the fact that the bath hall was closed and he had several criminal empires to take apart, Hanzo might have been humored enough to entertain his feeble excuses before kicking him out but certainly not now.

“You will leave or I will have you forcefully removed!” Hanzo spat as he stood up in the bath, visibly furious with how stubborn the interloper was being but that seemed to work when the foreigner took a step back.

“Alright, alright! I get yer not convinced! We’ll talk tomorrow, Mr. Shimada.” The foreigner spoke before turning around and promptly leaving, grumbling angrily under his breath as he left, knocking over more things in the process. 

Hanzo sighed heavily as he sat back in the bath once the foreigner was finally gone, his partner taking up the slot right against his side as he draped an arm over their shoulder. “Looks like I will have a door or two to bill the owner tomorrow for damages.” He grumbled mostly to himself, finding the atmosphere completely ruined after that encounter before looking at the hybrid next to him sympathetically. “Shall we go find more a hospitable location to retreat for the evening?” He asked.

“I would enjoy that, Shimada-san.” The gazelle smiled beautifully.

Hanzo smiled warmly as they both exited the bath, dried off, and changed before heading out after Hanzo locked up the thankfully undamaged front door to the bath house when they left.


	2. Mistakes were made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo goes to correct his mistake and meets McCree before going on a little shopping trip.

Hanzo had a fantastic night after the bath house incident but was confused when the agent failed to bring up the mission at all and simply left without word with the payment Hanzo set aside on the nightstand. He only admitted to himself that he fucked up when he got a call from the real agent’s boss on his burner phone and was asked to go down to the police station to try to negotiate his agent’s release (with plenty of apologies and monetary compensation for whatever he had to pay for a bribe). Hanzo groaned and agreed to go as he hung up on the man then got up to freshen up in preparation for the koban visit.

He had to make an excuse to go into town but the counsel bought it after some minor back and forth about how he wanted to personally pick out a new kimono for his fiance since she would be in town in a few weeks. Hanzo and her were in an arranged marriage and it wasn't unusual for him to personally go get her gifts but boy did he hate using that ‘lovers’ excuse as cover to do anything out of the ordinary or on impulse. He liked her as a friend but that was about it, no offense to her.

Hanzo made sure that only his personal driver would take him into town and drop him off several streets away from the police station before promising to call him when he was ready to be picked up. Honda understood that he needed to enjoy life in Hanamura as well and looked the other way so Hanzo could enjoy some time alone without supervision. He felt bad exploiting Honda’s kindness for this but he wasn't a crime lord for nothing…

The police station wasn't busy as Hanzo stepped up to the reception counter and asked to see the head of police at the station. He was, of course, immediately granted access to the chief and was escorted to his office, the man absolutely nervous with directly meeting Hanzo like everyone else who had some bit of power in Hanamura.

“Shimada-san! How may I help you today?! W-Would you like coffee or tea?!” The chief asked nervously as he tried to clean his cluttered desk as Hanzo took a seat in chair in front of the desk after the door was closed behind him for privacy. 

“No, that will not be necessary. I would like to make this quick, Abe-san. For both of us.” Hanzo spoke professionally as the man across from him promptly stopped fiddling with the folders on his desk and properly composed himself on the outside even though Hanzo knew he was a nervous wreck. “I believe there is a foreigner you are holding here by the name of ‘Jesse McCree’? Is that correct?”

“Y-Yes, Shimada-san! He was brought in for evading arrest last night when one of our officers stopped him for questioning. It’s normal for police to ask a few questions when suspicious people are out so late at night, you see!” Abe spoke proudly, as if he did the community a service by arresting that Overwatch agent that would be his ticket out of a life of crime. Annoying. “Oh! Did he perhaps cause you some inconvenience, Shimada-san?”

“Why would you assume that?” Hanzo asked obliviously with a smile on his face.

Oh, he knew the police chief was looking for more charges to drop on McCree’s head or at least link him to a substantial crime if McCree was resisting the usual yelling and screaming to get him to sign a false confession. Japan didn’t have a low crime rate for no reason, after all.

The chief chuckled nervously at Hanzo’s oblivious answer, obviously not going to try to pressure him into pressing a charge if Hanzo didn't know anything but the man’s name. “Never mind then, Shimada-san. What do you need with McCree-san?”

“I would like to have any charges against him dropped. He was lost in Hanamura and was trying to find my associate; They are good friends, you see.” Hanzo smiled, perfectly capable of lying through his teeth to the police after years of practice for bailing Genji out of a cell when he had a rough time on the town. 

The chief tensed up visibly at that. “O-oh?” He chuckled nervously as he rubbed the back of his head. “This is rather troublesome because, as you know, it is a crime to run from the police, Shimada-san. The public would be concerned about law breakers walking the streets of Hanamura and it would not look good if someone were to find out we just released him because you asked, Shimada-san…”

Hanzo wanted to strangle the man for being an incompetent asshole and arresting a foreigner simply because they were low hanging fruit rather than actual criminals actively hurting the citizens of Hanamura. (Like himself and his whole clan…)

He pulled out an envelope and slipped it across the desk. “I understand it might be an inconvenience, but I will personally assure you that he will behave for the rest of his stay in Japan, as the head of the Shimada clan, Abe-san.” Hanzo spoke confidently, the chief’s jaw practically falling out of his mouth after he took a peek into the envelope out of curiosity and quickly pocketed it away.

“O-Of course, Shimada-san! Allow me to show you to the front so we can bring McCree-san right out for you! Don't worry about paperwork or any of that!” Abe chuckled as he got up with Hanzo and escorted him back to the front desk of the koban after ordering that McCree be released.

Hanzo stood in the lobby of the koban as the receptionist seemed to shift around and busy himself to not look like he was slacking off when there was an important person waiting around. He guessed his boss would dock his pay if he didn’t actively look like he was protecting Hanamura, in his own way, while an influential person like Hanzo was present. It was pointless to try to force his underlings to look busy in front of him but he wouldn’t reassure the officer anything or get involved otherwise.

The clopping of heavy hooves on tile floor dragged Hanzo out of his head and turned to the right to see the rather exhausted-looking bull hybrid being lead out from where they hid the holding cells around the corner. He wouldn’t doubt the police refused to let up on their badgering to get him to sign a guilty plea this morning, like they probably did the night before as well. Hanzo could only imagine how horrible it was to sleep in these cell for foreigners who didn’t know anything about the ugly inner workings of the Japanese justice system.

Jesse McCree, the agent’s name he was going by for this operation, from what Hanzo knows, seems relieved to be handed back his hat and personal items that were confiscated. The English interpreter beside the officer relinquishing said-items back to McCree was chastising him with this-and-that about always having his passport on him and such before he was pointed in Hanzo’s direction. The bull hybrid’s face falling to a begrudgingly neutral expression as he tucked his hands into his front pants pockets.

Hanzo bit the inside of his cheek at the subtle hostility the agent was showing for Hanzo’s indirect role in getting him a night in a jail cell. He motioned with his head for the agent to follow him so they would not linger here any longer than necessary. Last thing he needed was for the receptionist or his boss to bother them further and was glad that the hybrid got the message as he followed him out of the koban out onto the sidewalk.

The air was much crisper out here and helped Hanzo relax as he folded his arms into the sleeve of his yukata. The clopping of McCree’s hooves beside him on the sidewalk drawing him out of his enjoyment of the early autumn sounds of dried leaves brushing together and directing it towards the huge man beside him.

Hanzo glanced at the bulking muscles of the bull hybrid beside him; Taking note of how gracefully his gate was as he walked beside him, the very few streaks of stain on his immaculate horns from meticulous care, and how much his neck muscles bulged compared to other horned hybrids to compensate for the extra added weight they added to it. His gaze moved subtly downward to the hooves that were clopping against the concrete sidewalk; They were surprisingly clean as well, with very few cracks that would cause concern, suggesting that he was on a good diet and sought to maintain them due to the polish that shown over the keratin. 

He was in impeccable condition. A brilliant example for his kind that would fetch a high companionship premium on top of his rarity in Japan were he on the market.

Hanzo was dragged from his thoughts as the agent brought a hand to his mouth and cleared his throat, drawing a slight embarrassed flush from Hanzo’s cheeks for being caught off guard. He turned his gaze fully to Jesse McCree.

“So, uh, ‘bout last night.” McCree started as he walked alongside Hanzo on the sidewalk - No longer a criminal, but still receiving a stink eye from the natives as he walked alongside the Shimada leader almost immediately after they thought he passed their line of sight. “I reckon I should apologize fer not saying what I looked like an’ causin’ a ruckus like that.”

“I apologize. I should have… ‘read between the lines’ better, as they say. But, you are right to apologize for your improper conduct as a representative. You are lucky that your boss was concerned enough to inform me of your incarceration or you would have been held for two weeks in that cell.” Hanzo spoke, not really wanting to discuss how badly he fucked up and ended up taking a prostitute to a hotel rather than the Overwatch agent like he should have. Figures that the agent was a stereotypical American with his ridiculously long horns, and large muscles rather than that much more subtle gazelle…

“The hell is with yer police anyways? Randomly stop any stranger on the street an’ demand they show their passport? Who the fuck does that?” McCree grumbled sourly in annoyance. Probably looking for somewhere else to deflect his anger with the situation between them onto the police as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

Hanzo was more than willing to use the police as a scapegoat if it would get them both over this grand mess up and onto more important matters they had to attend to. He held no love for the easily corruptible fools at that station anyhow - irony be damned.

“Like any other nation, the police have public appearances to keep up and it's easy to go after foreigners since they always have to have their identification on them.” Hanzo explained simply as they continued to walk along the street, his eyes glancing at the various restaurant menus posted in the windows to see if any of the newer shops had an interesting breakfast menu while they passed them. He was starving but bringing the foreigner into the restaurant would be him unnecessary attention that could easily be passed back to the Shimada counsel. 

Walking along side him on the street would turn heads but it wasn't too out of place to see him walking with foreigners who were his associates. It was something he took comfort in now that he was in a situation that required that sort of understanding from the public so he would not be so easily ratted out on. “Japan prides itself for the appearance of having a low crime and high conviction rate, Mr. McCree. Appearances mean a lot to the Japanese, so, you, due to the fact that you are foreign AND have horn lengths that violate Japanese laws, made you a prime target for a ‘routine’ stop.”

McCree huffed even more haughty at that as he did his best to keep his anger in check, much to Hanzo’s surprise until he realized an Overwatch agent with a hot temper and an appearance like he had would no doubt be unsuitable for a mission like this one, especially if it involved espionage. They wouldn’t send someone like him without good reason with how high the stakes were out here and Hanzo’s own welfare being put on the line. He wanted to trust Jack Morrison’s judgement but also couldn’t help but feel weary about the whole thing from how disastrous their first meeting went.

“The law regardin’ horns don’t apply to foreigners visiting and I’m wearing UN-approved covers on the tips anyways in case anyone things I’ll gore them or somethin’ else equally barbaric.” He remarked as he pointed to the padded rubber tips firmly locked into place on his horns.

Hanzo shook his head at that. “It’s best that you understand that almost any hybrid in Japan born with horns or tusks gets them removed or regularly trimmed to comply with our laws, Mr. McCree. It is considered the same as walking around with a sword or machete brandished on the streets here and it makes the citizens uneasy to see foreigners walking about so boldly with weapons on them, especially those of your size.” He explained the best he could, glancing across the street to see the kimono shop owner opening the doors for patrons but continuing to walk with McCree. “We will speak later, McCree-san. Stay indoors and I will ask your boss for the location you are residing in to meet with you at midnight tonight.” Hanzo turned to face left as he waited for traffic to lighten up at the intersection before crossing, McCree continuing on his way like before without saying anything - Just whistling a casual tune and occasionally glancing at the shops like any other foreign tourist would. Good.

He crossed the street and made his way to the kimono shop. 

“Oh! Good morning, Shimada-sama!” The owner, Mr. Toshino, greeted Hanzo as their eyes met. The middle-aged man dressed in an old brown yukata as he bowed politely in greeting to the head of the Shimada clan.

Hanzo smiled politely as he approached and bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement. His family has been patrons of the Tosino family business for decades after Kouji Shimada, Hanzo’s grandfather, took interest in the new clothing store when it first opened, the owner and Kouji becoming fast friends as they bonded over fabric quality and designs. All of Hanzo’s traditional clothing came from their shop along with Genji’s; The two of them good friends with Mr. Toshino’s daughter, Tohru, when they were boys before eventually growing apart as responsibilities made it more difficult to leave the castle as they grew older.

Mr. Toshino led Hanzo into the familiar smell of fresh fabric that filled the store. His mind replaying bitter-sweet memories of a younger Genji and Tohru cackling together as they played ‘quietly’ together in the corner of the shop. Hanzo’s eyes gazed longingly at the once-empty right corner of the room where they occupied their time while their fathers and mothers talked - Toys and trinkets scattered on the tatami floor since the Toshinos closed the store for privacy whenever their parents would meet like this. Moments long gone and replaced with more displays for bolts of cloth to showcase the latest seasonal patterns that were trending in Japan. 

A symbol of Hanzo’s own life as the space in his heart was now filled in a similar way. Both Genji, Tohru, and his own parents gone. 

Some more permanent than others…

Mr. Toshino seemed rather understanding as he stepped up and placed a hand on Hanzo’s shoulder. His eyes not filled with pity, like Hanzo often expects from those who have watched him grown up without the intimate knowledge of how happy he was as a child or, at least, what MADE him happy. Hanzo allowed his hand to remain present on his shoulder as testament to that respect Mr. Toshino has earned.

“I was thinking of you when I was looking through my order catalog a few months back, Hanzo-sama.” Mr. Toshino spoke as he drew his hand back and walked over to the front door to slide it shut, locking it with his key before tucking it back into his yukata. 

Hanzo chose not to correct Mr. Toshino’s informal use of his first name and instead turned to regard his father’s best friend with a look of curiosity. “You have, Toshino-san?”

Mr. Toshino smiled pleasantly at that as he walked over to Hanzo. “Mm. Please follow.” 

Hanzo felt warmth bloom in his chest at such kind consideration and followed the older man to a sliding door that led into the back. The musty scent a relaxing on as Hanzo slipped into the narrow storage room, Mr. Toshino reaching for something off one of the shelves and turning to present it to Hanzo. A black box filled the spanse of as Toshino stepped towards Hanzo and grasped the bottom with his fingers firmly before pulling off the lid to reveal what was inside: A copper brooch of a wolf’s head.

It was a beautifully crafted piece that showed a stoic-looking wolf staring back at him, the grooves in the metal to bring out the details in its fur to an almost realistic proportion. It’s gaze pulling Hanzo in as he felt the piece resonate with him, with his position as the lone alpha at the top of his pack. A pack that Hanzo was going to destroy with his own hands after centuries of subjugating Hanamura, and all of Japan, to some extent. 

He was soon to condemn himself a lone wolf. What better gift to get himself to mark such an occasion.

“I’ll take it.”

Mr. Toshino was pleased with that as he closed the box up and led Hanzo out of the storage room. He went over to the counter to place it near the register before turning to await Hanzo’s real reason for coming into his store. 

Knowing his fiance’s measurements like the back of his hand as he entered to begin browsing the latest patterns to see what would be a good look for her this early in autumn. He ended up selecting a nice, brown yukata with amber designs on it that reminded him of the falling leaves. Mr. Toshino charging both the yukata and the brooch to the Shimada house account before giving him a receipt. The items would be delivered to the castle later in the evening so he would not be forced to carry them around while he enjoyed his free time in Hanamura’s shopping district. 

Hanzo thanked Mr. Toshino for his time and left the store feeling quite content with his purchases. He contemplated calling Honda to come pick him up before he felt an odd craving for some ramen from his childhood. It must have been because he spent time in the store that brought it about.

He’s not as bothered but it as he thought he would be as he turned back around and headed towards the Rikimaru’s that was located in the shopping district instead of calling for Honda to drive him to the one near the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as per usual, please leave a review to let me know if you're enjoying the story or not!

**Author's Note:**

> Nice job, Hanzo.
> 
> Please leave a review if you like the concept! Every little review helps motivate me to produce more chapters!


End file.
